


take a dirty picture for me (send the dirty picture to me)

by seokpalace



Category: Naruto
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Anbu Haruno Sakura, BAMF Haruno Sakura, F/F, F/M, Good Akatsuki (Naruto), Haruno Sakura is So Done, Haruno Sakura-centric, M/M, Multi, No Uchiha Massacre, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pairings to be added, People wanna marry Sakura, Poly!Sakura, Porn With Plot, Sakura just wants to love everyone, Sakura sleeps around with a lot of people, Sex, Sex Positive, Strong Haruno Sakura, Switch!Sakura, Tags May Change, Teasing, Uchiha Sasuke Being an Asshole, bc why the hell not, especially with clans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-29 00:47:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30148167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seokpalace/pseuds/seokpalace
Summary: —Sakura’s nudes get leaked by some horrible random village girls hoping to turn her into a social pariah. Then it turns out to have the opposite effect, because suddenly more than half of the village’s population (both men and women) want to get into her pants. Non-Massacre. No War Era. Modern tech exists.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Clan, Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura/Hyuuga Hinata, Haruno Sakura/Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Hyuuga Neji, Haruno Sakura/Inuzuka Kiba, Haruno Sakura/Nara Shikamaru, Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Obito, Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Shisui, Haruno Sakura/Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Yamanaka Ino, MultiSaku
Comments: 7
Kudos: 75





	take a dirty picture for me (send the dirty picture to me)

**Author's Note:**

> I suddenly thought about [“Dirty Picture” by Taio Cruz and Kesha ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YJrM7zqin9Y) and then came up with this.
> 
> a couple of things to note before you read:
> 
> -this is literally my first time posting a Naruto fic, pls have mercy  
> -Danzo isn’t a child abducting coward, but he’s still a corrupt shit, if that makes sense? It’s public knowledge that he’s a greedy geezer.  
> -Everyone is literally alive, Naruto’s parents, the Uchiha clan, everyone.  
> -Sasuke is an asshole, but he’ll come around  
> -Modern technology exists, but think old time social media. Just emails and cameras and printers, yeah?
> 
> all spelling errors are mine! ♡´･ᴗ･`♡

  
“Sakura, what the hell is this?”

Sakura blinks at her Shishou, whose holding up a flyer of  _wait, what the fuck_? ! Is that... her? She’s posed in some lewd milk-n-flowers-in-the-tub shots that she had saved for herself after Ino had convinced her to strip down and take naked shots. Those photos are definitely hers, but  _what in the fuck_ are they doing on a flyer in the Hokage’s office?!

“Is this a joke, Shishou?” Tsunade has to restrain herself from breaking her seventh desk this week, as she gazes at Sakura with a furrow in her brows. “So.. you mean to say you didn’t do this as a pathetic cry for a man sweep you off your feet?”

“I- Shishou!” Sakura is nearly appalled that her teacher would think she would be so crass as to do that. “I wouldn’t plaster it all over the village for children and grandmothers to see! I send things like  that personally!” At Tsunade’s grin from hearing her student’s admission, Sakura sighs before scratching at her ANBU tattoo under her sleeve. “So who could’ve gotten into my personal files to print out these privately stored pictures?”

“You hadn’t released them?”

“I haven’t even released the ones that are  _safe to look_ at in the village.”

“Shit.” Sakura raises her brow at Tsunade’s concern, simply leaning back against the wall in the office. “I’m assigning some ANBU to watch you.” Sakura almost topples over, she cannot think she heard the elder woman right.

“For what? I don’t need a bunch of babysitters.” It’s a bit sassier than how Sakura would normally address her superiors, but this is Tsunade, who basically taught her to shove a middle finger to anyone who demanded respect from the rosette.

“Sakura, it’s just for a few days, and they’re not gonna be breathing down your neck, they’re just going to observe at a distance so we can figure out if someone is following you or if this is something bigger.” At the last part, Sakura turns grim.

“The hackers we’ve been suspecting?”

“Call me an old hag like Naruto does, but I can only trust modern technology for so long until it fucks up. That Hiram-IT fellow in the Akatsuki group has assured me that they’re not the cause, because even they have had reports of people trying to break into the programming on Nagato’s tech.” Now Sakura is really worried. If this new group is attacking the newest modern ninja tool, and even going as far as to target the ex-criminal organization, then this was already another pot of trouble brewing.

“It’s Hidan, shishou.” Sakura deadpans in response, before sighing. “I’m sure that group isn’t behind my nudes being plastered all over the village— considering there are much more important things on my computer and phone than naked pictures of me— but if you’re gonna assign me babysitters, at least let it be ANBU I’ve worked with before.” In other words,  _let it be people who know that I wouldn’t do something like this_.

The rumor mill at ANBU HQ was already in uproar about her quick promotions as ANBU’s designated combat medic, but there aren’t nice people everywhere. Some of the nastiest rumors about villagers originated right within those walls.

Tsunade rolls her eyes at her apprentice’s request, but indulges her nonetheless. “Fine, fine,” she waves her student off, before narrowing her eyes. “I’ll send someone over from T&I to the hospital to see if the other personnel computers have been tampered with. For now, just interact normally with everyone, as if nothing is wrong.”

“What about the um... pictures?”

“I’ll send some spare chunnin-level shinobi to take them down. B-rank to catch interest at the mission post and I’ll increase the pay if the flyers are taken down quicker. I don’t think you want snotty-nosed brat genin perving over your pictures.” Sakura nods with a mix of relief and gratefulness, before taking the flyer from her mentor and starting to make her way out of the office.

“Oh and Shishou?”

“Hm?”

“There’s a bottle of the good stuff hidden behind the first two volumes of medical text in your bookshelf. Don’t tell Shizune I told you!” Sakura leaves the office, smiling at hearing her mentor’s roaring laughter behind her.

* * *

Kami, it’s difficult to maintain some type of normalcy when you hear your name in every other sentence. Sakura senses chakra signatures whizzing at a few parts of the village, meaning Tsunade has already sent out people to start taking down the pictures. She rolls her eyes as she approaches the civvie district, deciding to take to the rooftops since she would honestly rather not deal with all of the annoying obaa-sans that will pull her to the side and scold her over such a scandal.  _Even though they’re the ones that gossip the most_ .

She slowly notices four familiar chakra signatures following her, and for their sake, she slows down as she reaches the shinobi residence district. She sighs as she stops at the rooftop of the building where her large apartment is, reaching into her pack to bring out a flask. She sits down on the roof, swinging her legs over the edge. “Y’know, I asked for you, so you can come out since I know you’re curious about all this.” At that, four ANBU approach from their hiding spots, before they sit down alongside her and one sighs.

“Seriously, ‘Kura?” Shikamaru unmasks himself and grumbles, leaning into her as he grabs at the flask. “What the hell did you get yourself into?”

Sakura sighs as she affectionately pets at Kiba, who also unmasks before nuzzling into her with familiarity as Akamaru settles into her lap. “I have no clue, it wasn’t even my fault.” Turtle scoffs as they grab the flask from Shikamaru, before unmasking and taking a long swig themselves.

“Bullshit, Saks. I took those damn photos. You have an attractive ass so it’s automatically all your fault.” Sakura chortles at Ino before gasping at Hinata who also takes a drink from the flask. They’re all gaping at the ex-heiress, and all it takes a brow raise from her to continue their conversation.

“So, now what?” Kiba asks. “I know we’re assigned to keep watch in case we find the one who did this, but what did Lady Tsunade say?”

“To sum it up, she’s hoping this is just some petty internal issue that can be handled in the village and not the new group we’ve been tracking.” The squad around her stiffens, but their sudden discomfort is understandable. Their five-man squad have been the ones gathering information about this potential threat, and if they’ve gotten hold of Sakura’s ANBU identity and personal explicit photos as a mere warning to the village, who knows what they’ll target next.

“I hear that some boys have already asked Lady Tsunade for your hand in marriage just from seeing your body. Even clansmen.” Sakura blinks at Shikamaru’s words, because  _what_ ? Marriage? Her? Hell no.

“Hard fucking pass. I like sleeping around, and I prefer to keep it that way. Plus, none of you have complained that I should settle down yet.” The way all of the members of her team blushes in some way makes her snort. “My point exactly. It’s already stressful enough with the council and multiple clan elders breathing down my neck to get hitched to one of the heirs.”

“Didn’t the Uchiha clan elders suggest Madara at one point?” Hinata points out.

“Yes! I know I have a thing for DILFs but Kami, I’m not as desperate to add insane Uchihas to my body count.”

“What about Itachi? Or Shisui?” Ino wriggles her eyebrows suggestively. “They’re even better eye-candy than Sasuke.”

Sakura snorts at Ino. “As much as I’d love to fuck Itachi, just because he’s hot and I love seeing Sasuke suffer with petty jealousy, imagine what the clan elders would say. I’d rather fuck Danzo than hear the old farts grumble about how irresponsible it is to sleep around with the clan heir and the scandal we could’ve caused if we had a baby before we got married, blah blah blah.”

“And Shisui?”

“The clan elders said, and I quote, ‘He’s a lost cause’. Makes him fair game, plus he thinks I’m pretty and takes me seriously when we spar.”

“And the other clans?”

“It’s more of clan elders finding out I’m sleeping with one of their heirs and wanting me to at least get married to whoever I’m fucking in case of a scandal breaking out. You know, reputation is everything to them.”

“Wait until they find out you’re literally sleeping with at least one person from each of the big clans in the village.” Shikamaru snorts, before wincing at the jab of Sakura’s elbow. “Harsh, captain.” Sakura rolls her eyes playfully in response.

“Otou-san and Neji-nii-san even got into a big fight about you.” Sakura’s eyes widen into saucers at Hinata’s news.

“Spill.”

“Apparently one of the elders heard from the maids that you and Neji-nii-san have been spending nights together. Then they started nagging at otou-san. And then Neji-nii-san said that he would rather sleep with you than get married to some useless girl that the elders would choose for him.”

Kiba sputters with shock, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re joking. You must be, Hina.”

“I’m not. Otou-san told me to warn you to stop sleeping with Neji-nii-san.”

Sakura snorts at the thought of the clan head. “I could, but he doesn’t know I’m defiling his poor daughter and his daughter’s boyfriend too, does he?” At Hinata’s embarrassed squeak, they all laugh, before her alarm set on her wrist watch rings. “Well, I guess it’s time for me to make my village rounds. Keep an eye out as usual.”

At her stern captain voice, her squad puts their masks and nod. “Yes, captain.”

* * *

Sakura dreads coming to the Uchiha compound most of the time, but since she isn’t here to attend a family dinner at the main house, or hear the clan elders plead (more like nag) for her to marry into their clan, she smiles brightly as she makes her way towards the retirement housing.

“Sakura!!”

Or.. maybe not.

She curses at her luck as she turns before smiling at Obito. At least he’s not cocky or a huge womanizer, instead reminding her of Naruto in a way. She greets him as he approaches, before yelping at his arm suddenly swinging around her shoulders.

“So... Bakakashi and I didn’t know you looked like that under all that ninja garb.”

Sakura didn’t mind indulging in his flirting, Obito often made her offers to casually have sex as if some of his fellow clansmen didn’t already want to get into her pants, and she enjoys his company regardless. “Well, you and Senpai always told me to look underneath the underneath, Obi- _kun_ .”

The man smiles at the slight disrespect in the honorific, because it was just so Sakura, before taking a firm hold of her cheeks. To anyone passing by, it would look like a mentor simply teasing a student, but Sakura knew better. Her eyes darkened before smiling a soft warning. “Not here, Obi-senpai. People are watching.” Sakura flits her eyes to where a shopkeep is staring at the pair intensely.  **_No doubt to tell on us to the main family or to the elders_ ** , Inner snarls. Sakura hums in agreement, before forcing her face out of Obito’s grip, and continuing on her way. “If you wanna talk again, meet at the usual spot!” She calls casually behind her, hearing the shopkeeper’s scandalized gasp and Obito’s squawk of betrayal at her selling him out.

Ah, fun times. She continues along her route to the retirement home, a slight spring in her step despite her location and the circumstances. Nothing could ruin her mood now.

“Sa-chan!” Well. Except for the sound of Mikoto getting her attention. Dammit. Curse whoever thought of putting the clan retirement home in the heart of the compound.

She hadn’t even thought about avoiding the main house, a habit formed from all the years of rounds to pass by often to greet the clan head and his wife. She sighs, inwardly accepting defeat as she takes a few steps towards where Mikoto is smiling at her from the wood patio of their house. “Hello, Miko-okaa-san.” She bows, smiling respectfully despite her instincts saying  _RUN RUN RUN GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE_.

“Are you doing your rounds around the village today?”

“Why yes, I’m about to go to the retirement home to refill prescriptions and heal some illnesses the elders have been mentioning.”

Mikoto nods in approval, before leaning forward and whispering to her. “Sasu-chan has been nagging at his father to force you to marry him.” Sakura’s eyes narrow in displeasure, and she stiffens her lips from moving as she can’t curse the boy’s name out in front of his damn mother. The topic of marriage kept coming up with her, and Sakura was close to having enough.

“Men.” She settled, with enough distaste in her tone that Mikoto was sure to pick it up. She did, the mother nodding along as Sakura sighed. “What did ‘Gaku-otou-san say?”

“He denied him, of course. However, Fugaku can’t stop him from getting his butt beat by you later.” Sakura laughs and nods, easily agreeing with Mikoto’s not-so-subtle request.

“It’s been a few days since Sasuke’s returned from the temple the Force has been training at. He doesn’t know about my rank or recent promotions, does he?”

“If anyone has told him, he probably doubts it anyway. You know how my son is, never learns his lesson until he gets a spanking on his bottom.” Sakura snorts again, saying her goodbyes with the promise of returning for a proper visit (“I’ll send word when Ita-chan and Sasu-chan aren’t here, okay? Fugaku and I miss you!” Sakura can’t deny the couple a visit, they’ve been like a second mother and father to her—) and continuing to walk.

Beating Sasuke’s ass huh? How exciting. The thought of fighting made her grin, her normally bright eyes darkening with a newfound resolve. She’ll even invite the main house and a few of Sasuke’s uncles to watch their spar at the Uchiha training grounds, just for the extra humiliation of rejection. Call her cruel but...  _**He can’t just leave like a cocky little shit and come back and think we’re still gonna be head over heels for him. He probably doesn’t even know that you’re a fucking ANBU captain** _ , Inner seethes.

Sakura hums her agreement again, deciding to cool down the storm her inner psyche was brewing.

She was gonna beat Uchiha Sasuke into the ground and serve him the humble pie him and his fat ego had rightfully earned. And then perhaps give him a welcome home kiss.

**_You may not be head over heels, but you still like him enough to give him the affection you give everyone else_ ** , Inner teases her and Sakura rolls her eyes fondly.

_Shut up._  


_ **You love me.** _

_...yeah, I do. Even though you’re a bitch._

_**HEY!** _

**Author's Note:**

> how was that for a start? I think overall I did okay. 
> 
> The concept of this fic is to portray Sakura as what I thought she should’ve been in canon: a protector, a guardian. I feel like she would’ve been more interesting if instead of wanting to catch up to Sasuke and Naruto, Kishimoto made her desire to protect her team in Shippuden. 
> 
> If Naruto was more X-Rated and changed a few character developments, I think it would kinda be conceptualized(?) like this? Sakura sleeps around, knows her self-worth, and kicks ass like the badass she is. I even made her an ANBU captain, just because I can.
> 
> regarding her relationship with Kakashi: Kakashi will still have the trauma and have Obito’s eye, since maybe that mission had ended in with Obito getting crushed, but he was able to be saved. He obviously is still not a good teacher bc of the trauma, and instead chooses to neglect Sakura in favor of training the boys bc that’s what was expected of him. In turn, Sakura and Kakashi never truly develop a teacher-student relationship, which makes this pairing possible when Sakura becomes equal rank and becomes a captain (Kakashi doesn’t know this yet, however).
> 
> Regarding her sleeping around: I like to think that in the shinobi world, life isn’t guaranteed. People who are lucky or who born into clans with a good technique are guaranteed to have a better life expectancy, but those who aren’t? Well they say “fuck it” and just do what they feel since they don’t know if they’ll die on the next mission (i think Genma might fall into this category). I think in this fic, Sakura had that mentality as she was growing up (obviously bc she has two competitive powerhouses with her) but now that she’s strong and capable, she’s more like a protective person and would rather keep sleeping with the people she cares about as a way to protect them. That isn’t to say that it’s gonna be all about sex!! It’s more of her way of getting to spend time with her precious people, and a lot of them will be fueled by desire from seeing her nudes (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞. So why not indulge them? 
> 
> What do you guys think?
> 
> come yell at me on discord, I need people to tell me to wORK: aspen#2585


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